I read it early this morning. I've read it before. I think I know what it means. It makes sense to me that its important to slow down and be still. I'm quite sure that doing that is necessary in order to really hear something that is really important for me to hear. I just don't know how to do it...
I'm leaving town today, and I'm really looking forward to it. That sounds a bit ridiculous I know, because in fact I leave town all the time. I work at an amazing job; one that allows me to travel all the time. I (usually) enjoy the travel. I've had a serious case of wanderlust as long as I can remember. As a matter of fact, when I think back on my childhood and on times in the past that seem to stand out in my memory, the times that jump out the most generally revolve around travel. I remember family trips to Florida and the Gulf Coast (I grew up in Alabama, so FL was a pretty close escape.) I had my own construction business when Kathy and I got married and we traveled EVERYWHERE. My current job takes me all over the world, and for the most part I enjoy the travel and all the adventure that comes with it. Kathy and I travel well together. We've stacked up a lot of really good memories on the road.
All that to say, there shouldn't be anything particularly remarkable about the fact that I'm leaving town this week because I leave town all the time. But this weekend is different...
I'll be spending the next four days with Kathy, my children (and granddaughter :-) and with my daughter's in-laws (Ben's parents) in a place I've never been before. We are all escaping to what I am told is a remarkable ranch in Eastern Oregon. It seems that there is not really a lot of "stuff" to do there. No internet. No TV. No phone service. No fishing or hunting (out of season) Its just a place to be. For some reason that sounds VERY appealing and frightening to me at the same time. I think I can use a few days of doing nothing in particular, but I don't have a great track record of pulling that off...
I have to confess here that this isn't a natural place for me to be. I don't sit around very well. Don't get me wrong; I can be as unproductive as the next guy. Many times at the end of the day I look back and realize (to my horror) that I have accomplished virtually nothing of substance. Even so, it rarely has anything to do with lack of activity. I'm always DOING something. I haven't really discovered how to be still. I haven't learned how to disengage or disconnect from all the "stuff" of life. I don't really know why, but I suspect it has to do with the fact that I feel somewhat guilty if I'm not working on something (my marriage, my job, my relationship with God, my relationship with my kids, my health, my __________ fill in the blank :-) I tend to do my fair share of "wheel spinning." I have a friend named Denny who once said I'm a guy who is prone to "jump on my horse and ride off in all directions" :-)
But even as I put these thoughts in writing I am aware of the importance of learning to do find a way to accomplish something while doing nothing (a counter-intuitive concept I realize; at least for me because I have always associated being with doing. Could it possibly be that being sometimes means NOT doing???) Exactly how is one to go about "being still and knowing...?" I don't have a clue; but I'm gonna find out. I have this little voice in my head that tells me this weekend may well be the time in my life when I start to figure some of this out. That's a bit scary for me because I've discovered that usually when I have an important lesson to learn, the learning stings a bit (or a lot!)
More to come...
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